the lgbtq+ community has forgiven dr. andonuts

so far target seems really nice!!!!!!!! unfortunately there does seem to be a bit of the 'hey why arent you Perfect at this yet and why havent you Memorized all this yet even though you're new' even if no one's saying it outright, but there are also a lot of super sweet and patient people who also arent afraid to poke at the higher ups, which helped me let my guard down a twee.

for whatever reason a bunch of aisles are just mislabeled so learning to stock took me a super long time, was also mildly embarrassing, and involved a lot of "hey..... where's aisle c44.........."

actually there was a guy i met yesterday at our 'orientation' (why is working at target so high school coded) who was supposed to work today also but i guess he was in a different department or something, maybe working in the back with the equipment? maybe ill text him and see how his first day was :0 knowing that im not the *only* new team member makes me feel a bit better because i know everyones gonna be dealing with the adjustment. unless they all immediately get the hang of it before me and im left lagging behind and then all the higher ups get mad at me. thats always possible!!

also halfway through my shift for whatever reason one of the higher ups decided to task me with. fixing the tiny side displays for aisles? it felt a little embarrassing and made me wonder if i was stocking so badly i had to be demoted to the Baby Task(tm)

i didnt think i was doing *that* badly, it was more like i was having a hard time understanding where i was and wasn't supposed to be grabbing items, where excess inventory was supposed to go, etc.

they were so intent on me being tasked with that one specific job though, i thought i finished at first and then went back to stocking (or pushing ive heard them call it) and the higher up was like. hey. what are you doing..............

she also yelled at me from across the store to come over and fix one i missed. like not necessarily angry yell more like just emphatic to get my attention but i was still surprised.

one of the super nice coworkers was even like. why the fuck are they making you do this, this is so random.

also my scanner device called a zebra lowkey broke halfway through and was caught in a restart loop and made a really loud noise every time it restart so that was pretty crazy. had basically no consequences though luckily since no one asked me to find any items or unlock anything after it happened.

anyways hopefully im able to pick everything up quickly so i can just do my job without disappointing anyone..................

no one seemed outright annoyed with me or like scolded me or anything and generally was like "its your first day its alright" but i still definitely felt those side eyes...........

weirdly enough customer service (similar to the diner job) seems to both rank lowest on the echeladder of responsibilities and be the thing i enjoy the most. like obviously making sure all the store maintenance and stock work getting done on time is important but damn i forgot how little customers factor in to that. but it felt really good to open locked items for people and lead people to the right aisles ^_^

also im gonna be so real, my walkie talkie scares me. i barely understand what anyones saying on it, so im scared i wont hear when someones calling for me, or what specifically theyll ask me for.

luckily for whatever miraculous reason, my anxietys been like. muffled lately?? like my anxiety typically can get so bad it physically debilitates me and i can barely breathe and my chest hurts, but now its more like things make me like. mildly nervous, but only in my head, it doesnt spread to the rest of my body.

update in the middle of typing lol, i texted my orientation buddy and he was on register all day rippppppp, hes also working tomorrow so maybe ill be able to say hi :0

idk. im gonna try to lock in tomorrow fr, stocking isnt *that* hard, i got this frfr.

cya!!! thanks for reading!!!

HELLO WELCOME BACK TO MY MADNESS

many smallish life updates to give, mostly writing these because journalling is a healthy outlet (or so im told............)

this is more or less gonna be some venting paired with some general life yapping

( VERY LONG YAP INCOMING )

sorry i really like posting out of nowhere lolll

ANYWAYS i got a job FINALLY. i'm a busboy at a little diner like 10 minutes from my house. even though im 19 this is my first job, ive been trying to get one since i was 15 but because of the fact that id be visiting my dads on weekends no one wanted me :(

actually got a job is a bit of a stretch, technically im still in training so im not being paid anything, i just get a percentage of tips

i might start just yapping/ranting about how it's been there because im a pathetic wet creature and i keep doing things wrong because people dont show me how to do anything (or are just inconsistent. a la napkin placement) and it makes me want to crumble into a thousand tiny pieces and explode.

training isnt paid but also i make my own hours (i can come in whenever i leave whenever) and also they cook me food on my breaks so honestly i dont mind.

im less stressed about everything than i was yesterday (yesterday i was so anxious i lost my appetite and genuinely thought i was running a fever) but ill copy and paste the list of annoyances i made for sillies.

( i like sandwiches and i have anxiety )

hey so.. have u guys heard of ube....

so i was in chinatown with my friend yesterday and was on the lookout for ube because i randomly got it in my head that i wanted to make ube crinkles after being seduced by the ube baking tiktoks and youtube shorts ive been seeing for a little over a year now.

also this guy



( i only remembered purple yam cookie existed like last week and that was enough to rewire my brain into ube baking mode )

HI IM BACK

IDK WHAT HAPPENED I JUST BLINKED AND ITS BEEN LIKE A FULL MONTH AND I HAVENT POSTED ON HERE IN FOREVER AND A HALF

ANYWAYS ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW :3

really upset bc i fully intended to do the baldur's gate march art/writing prompts, march 1st rolled in and i just sat there. and was like "i could not even dream of doing a whole comic page for a whole month" esp because historically. my artistic speed is atrocious.

i sorta just decided that at a certain point I'd revisit the prompts and do the ones I'm most interested in on my own time, which is prolly a lot healthier for me

i am working on a fun angst comic about matthias's auntie ethel interaction tho !!! :3

when i get home i'll prolly make a big baldurs gate post bc I AM ALMOST AT THE END OF THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got accepted into art school